It's hard to talk about personal kinks and fantasies in public! For me, I've had to do a lot on figuring out my own kinks and learning to fantasize... like I just didn't learn how in puberty when it seemed everyone else did, and I'm at least a decade behind.
I still struggle with what fantasies I would "allow" myself. I haven't had race issues come up, maybe because I'm not good at picturing appearances during fantasies, but I have felt bad about the frequency with which my fantasies head for power imbalance territory rather than equality (such as master/slave dynamics, and not necessarily "safe, sane, and consentual").
In real life I try to be feminist, anti-racist, anti-abuse, and generally work towards equality, so I tried to resist those power-imbalance fantasies for a long time, but I made more progress overall when I decided not to feel guilty about it or actively avoid them, but rather try to also sometimes fantasize about more equal healthy relationships -- *also* rather than instead being the key.
I do really enjoy *reading* about equal healthy relationships, and I have a very good one with my partner, it's just that my own imagination doesn't seem to be as keen on them. Which is frustrating.
Not much squicks me, other than certain medical procedures which I have had to work hard to overcome a full-blown phobia of. But there are plenty of things on the kink/squick scale that I get incredibly annoyed about if they're not done well, particularly genderfuck -- probably because it's too personal (being an androgynous-identified transgender person). But when it's done well (according to my subjective and very high standards), I adore it.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2007-08-24 06:26 pm (UTC)It's hard to talk about personal kinks and fantasies in public! For me, I've had to do a lot on figuring out my own kinks and learning to fantasize... like I just didn't learn how in puberty when it seemed everyone else did, and I'm at least a decade behind.
I still struggle with what fantasies I would "allow" myself. I haven't had race issues come up, maybe because I'm not good at picturing appearances during fantasies, but I have felt bad about the frequency with which my fantasies head for power imbalance territory rather than equality (such as master/slave dynamics, and not necessarily "safe, sane, and consentual").
In real life I try to be feminist, anti-racist, anti-abuse, and generally work towards equality, so I tried to resist those power-imbalance fantasies for a long time, but I made more progress overall when I decided not to feel guilty about it or actively avoid them, but rather try to also sometimes fantasize about more equal healthy relationships -- *also* rather than instead being the key.
I do really enjoy *reading* about equal healthy relationships, and I have a very good one with my partner, it's just that my own imagination doesn't seem to be as keen on them. Which is frustrating.
Not much squicks me, other than certain medical procedures which I have had to work hard to overcome a full-blown phobia of. But there are plenty of things on the kink/squick scale that I get incredibly annoyed about if they're not done well, particularly genderfuck -- probably because it's too personal (being an androgynous-identified transgender person). But when it's done well (according to my subjective and very high standards), I adore it.